Australia Day vs. the 4th of July

Last weekend was AUSTRALIA DAY! Well, not the whole weekend....actually just Saturday, but we did get Monday off as a national holiday so it many ways Australia Day was really Australia Weekend.....which I wholeheartedly approve of.

Australia Day is essentially Australia's 4th of July. It's the day set aside to celebrate the first settlement of Europeans on the continent of Australia. By the way, this means criminals. Truly. British criminals at that.....which always has me envisioning Jack the Ripper disembarking from the first ship at Sydney Harbour still dragging a few bloody entrails behind him. While this is clearly not historically accurate (most of the Australian "criminals" were just poor people who stole a loaf of bread), it doesn't stop me from searching the face of every Australian I meet for the telltale signs of genetic madness. I sleep well at night. By the way, Australians of JL's generation (clearly way before mine) think that having an ancestor who arrived with the first fleet (i.e., a criminal) is a status symbol. People of JL's parent's/grandparent's generation.....not so much.

But this is all beside the point. Australia Day is a grand affair with a yacht race (including an amazing replica of Captain Cook's boat (see above)), parties at the harbour, fireworks, concerts, parades....the whole shebang! JL and I spent the morning with Choppers (the dog) down under the Harbour Bridge where we ate gelato and listened to a Celtic bagpipe band while watching the yacht parage. Then we spent the afternoon kayaking around the Manly area. That was great fun as loads of people were out partying on their boats and everyone was very friendly (i.e., drunk)! We were feeling the spirit as well and spontaneously broke out into our personal rendition of Waltzing Matilda while on the water. Talk about a good time!

Now I have to say, as much as I LOVE the 4th of July (and JL has given me permission to have a 4th of July party next winter*), Australia Day clearly kicks BUTT! But I'm sure that's only cause it just happened, and I got the day off work. I'll probably re-think this once July rolls around!


* Yes, July is the middle of winter in Australia....I'm still having homemade ice cream though!

Sophisticated New Yorker Seeks a Life

I don't want to play this up, but I used to be cool.* I mean, I was a sophisticated New Yorker living in Soho among supermodels, A-list actors and euro-trash. I wore designer clothes and always knew which was THE BAG of the season. I knew all the best restaurants and the hottest clubs and my friends would come to me for suggestions on where to host their big birthday bashes.

Since moving to Australia, and particularly since spending the last 10 days alternately sitting on the couch, napping in bed, and meandering through the garden, this has all changed. To illuminate this fact, here is an excerpt of a conversation I had with JL last night**:

Me: Hi honey, how was your day?

JL: Oh, busy. I had to make a margin call, deal with general counsels and attend 3 board meetings for subsidiary companies.

Me: That sounds nice. Do you want to see my chives? I think they've grown a fraction of a millimeter over night!

JL: Ummm, ok, yes.

Me: Oh, and my sprouts are sprouting! Look, see the little white things....isn't that cool!

JL: [Short silence] Lovely....nice job. What do you think about the international whaling crisis?

Me: Has Shamu died??

JL: What do you DO all day?

*By "cool" I mean very marginally not lame.
** Paraphrased (as always).

Welcome to 2008

-----------------------------------------WARNING-------------------------------------------

The below is rated "NSPO" (non-squeamish people only), as it contains truly disgusting imagery!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like to think of myself as a fairly well-educated and intelligent person but once in a while I do something that makes me ask, "am I really that stupid"? And on New Year's Day I received an unequivocal YES.

The story begins at about 9 pm on New Year's Day 2008 with me and JL in the kitchen making dinner (salmon with hollandaise sauce if you must know). In preparing dinner I needed the use of a small blender/mixer which JL had on hand. However, it had recently been taken apart and cleaned thoroughly so in order to use it we had to put it back together. We pulled all the pieces out and put the thing together, then plugged it in and pushed on the top to get it going (its the kind that you just put pressure on the top and it goes "whir whir" and blends up the contents....kind of like the Magic Bullet for all of you infomercial watchers out there). Anyway, the thing did not work. So I pulled the top off (which houses the blades), pulled the blades off, turned them over and pushed them back in. Luckily it worked. Unluckily it was in my hands when it started!

So long story short, rather than hollandaise sauce, the blender instead blended my hands and fingers badly enough (think: slasher movie) that JL had to rush me to the hospital where they admitted me right away and scheduled me for reconstructive surgery the next day. I left the hospital less than 24 hours later with both of my hands in casts and bandages.....

I know this sounds bad but the upside is that I got off of work for about 2 weeks, I got my own personal assistant (in JL who had to wait on me hand and foot), I got to spend loads of time with the Chopstar AND I got the promise of a brand new high class, non-hand blending blender of my choice (again from JL, whatta guy)!

Since this happened literally the day after the infamous Bluey's incident I have to wonder if this is really going to be my year..... But I do know now, without a doubt, that I really AM that stupid!