By popular demand...

...well, at least, she demanded it, and I like being popular with her.

Have you ever done this? Blogging, I mean. It's not easy. At least, not unless you have something to say. Or, at least, something interesting to say. But, then again, I've never let that stop me doing stuff before.

Kristen started pestering me for the last month or so to be a "guest blogger". I've always been more of a "write a smart alec comment about one of Kristen's posts" kinda guy, than a "think of something interesting to write yourself" kinda guy, so I've been resisting. Or, more accurately, evading. In a "aaah, sure, sounds great!" kind of way. However, evasive tactics only got me so far. With the inexorable passing of time, "ahh sure", becomes "yes, this weekend", becomes, "yes, tomorrow", then you wake up and the best you can do is, "yes, this afternoon, after I finish vacuuming the courtyard (?)" and suddenly it's just "yes". So, time to just do it. Only, I have no idea what to write about. So it goes like this:

J I have no idea what to write about.
K Whatever you want.

J Thinks..."Uh oh". Says..."But it's your blog, what do you want me to write about?"
K *patient but quizzical look* I don't know, write whatever you want to write about, just keep it clean.

J Thinks..."well, there goes most of my material". Says..."But you're the one who wants me to write something! What do you want me to write about?"
K *tersely* Then, just write about something that's on your mind.

J Thinks..."You want me to write about global warming, the future of children in Darfur AND Japanese whaling in the Antarctic? All in one post???". Says..."But..."
K HEY! IF YOU DON'T SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN AND START BLOGGING, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT! AND MAKE IT GOOD! YOU HEAR ME, KANGAROO BOY???

I hate it when she calls me that.

So, here we are.

Those of you who have made it this far will no doubt have cottoned on to the fact that I have no idea what to write about.

BUT WAIT! Mid-post update!!! Kristen just grated herself. Again. Second time this week.

Right. Back to the action! As Kristen says, she may not be interesting (just kidding baby!) but she is definitely prolific. Since I proudly share most things that are going on in her life and have, in some way, been involved in many of the events described in the pages below, it always looked to me that it must be pretty easy to just sit down and bash out a few pages of insight into what's been happening in our lives. Not so! Hence, here we are, line 40 and I still haven't got to the point.

Update on mid-post update. Apparently, grating yourself hurts a lot. A lot. Kids, leave it to the professionals.

OK, I've got it. Here's the point. Actually, here are two points.

One. Kristen has just suggested that this would be a good way for her family to get to know me before we lob up at her mum (sorry, her mom) and dad's place for Thanksgiving. Well, don't we all just wish she'd said that about 47 lines ago? For those who may have concerns (whether formed before or after reading this post) about me joining the extended Hansen clan, please don't take my apparent ability to drone on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about nothing as a reflection of what it's like to talk to me face to face. Trust me, this is much more interesting.

And two. I'm thinking this will be the last time K asks for a guest blogger!

See you in November!
JL

Making lemonade out of lemons (and other good ideas)....

As I've gotten older I've noticed a disturbing trend....I have to pee...a LOT. I never used to have to get up in the night to go to the toilet, and I don't recall having to dash from Banana Republic to the public toilets in the mall either. I certainly didn't have to sprint past the dog and into the bathroom the minute I got home from work (poor dog) without even so much as a Howdy Do.

But now I feel like I spend half my life in, or wanting to be in, a place where emptying the bladder is a perfectly acceptable activity. And I'm here to tell you, it's definitely not acceptable everywhere.

But there is a point to this toilet talk - two words: urine therapy.

You heard me boys and girls...u-rine-ther-a-py. It's a real thing.

Apparently, by drinking your own urine (there is no mention of the medicinal benefits of drinking other people's urine surprise, surprise) you can cure the following ailments:

* the flu
* the common cold
* broken bones
* toothache
* dry skin
* psoriasis
* AIDS
* allergies
* animal and snake bites
* asthma
* heart disease
* hypertension
* burns
* cancer
* chemical intoxication
* chicken pox
* enteritis
* constipation
* pneumonia
* dysentery
* edema
* eczema
* eye irritation
* fatigue
* fever
* gonorrhea
* gout
* bloody urine (what???)
* smallpox
* immunological disorders
* infections
* infertility
* baldness
* insomnia
* jaundice
* hepatitis
* Kaposi's sarcoma
* leprosy
* lymphatic disorder
* urticaria
* morning sickness
* hangover
* obesity
* papilloma virus
* parasitoses
* gastric ulcer
* rheumatism
* birthmarks
* stroke
* congestion
* lumbago
* typhus
* gastritis
* depression
* cold sore
* tuberculosis
* tetanus
* Parkinson's disease
* foot fungus
* diabetes

And most exceptionally....AGING!

Anyway, since urine appears to be a cure for, well, just about everything, and since I seem to have an overabundance I've decided to (da da daum) sell it!!!

I think I'll start with a small kiosk in the mall, right near the half-off sunglasses.....I'm bound to get some of the overflow business from Boost Juice!

KMH - who is busily guzzling water, as she types....

There were 9 in the bed and the little one said....

As most of you know, I come from a big family....wait, I should re-phrase that....a BIG family. 7 kids, something like 18 nieces and nephews, 2 great-nephews, one great niece and a slew of cousins (too many to count frankly; my math ain't that good). It's always been great, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but to be perfectly honest....that's BIG enough.

Well, the other day JL and I got an email from his cousin in which he stated, "I can't believe we'll all be related to Kristen" (fyi, I took that as a good, "I can't believe" so no one say anything different dang it!). And all of a sudden it hit me....my family just grew. A. Lot.

JL is one of 5 kids. With our 7, that's 12 combined siblings. Plus their kids. Plus aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, AND a future mother and father-in-law!

Basically, I'm now terrified of Christmas.

Luckily the "L" clan (of JL) is without exception lovely. And I get to have little nieces again - adorable ones at that!

Sarah and Grace. So freaking cute! And its good to know that JL's genes are okey dokey! :)

So, here's to the combined "L" and "H" clan! Proof that bigger is always better (and anyone that says differently lies).

"Put that magazine down, and back away slowly...."

Since I am newly engaged (and pretty excited about the whole thing) I recently went out and bought an armful of wedding/bridal magazines. They had beautiful glossy covers depicting smiling and glowing brides, and glamorous cakes and flowers, and I was extremely enthusiastic about reading them and starting to get ideas on my own wedding....and....as I turned the first page, and then the second, the third, fourth and onwards, the excitement started to wane and the SHEER PANIC began to set in.

Did you know that you are supposed to start sending out "save the date cards" TWELVE MONTHS before the wedding? You heard me....twelve freaking months! We just got engaged for craps sake!

And if that is not enough, I'm also supposed to have done the following (yes, already!):

(1) decide on a theme for the wedding
(2) decide on a budget
(3) insure the engagement ring
(4) pick wedding date and time and finalize after checking with the location
(5) interview wedding consultants
(6) start viewing wedding gowns
(7) interview caterers
(8) scout reception sites and book it
(9) interview officiants
(10) coordinate engagement party

Now to be fair, I have done some of the above - as you can see from my list below:

(1) decide on a theme for the wedding - Totally done, the theme is going to be "wedding", duh.

(2) decide on a budget - Hahahahahaha! Does, "Oh crap, we've run out of money...." count as a budget?

(3) insure the engagement ring - Yes! Good ol' JL took care of this one! Woot woot!

(4) pick wedding date and time and finalize after checking with the location - Ummm, sometime next year....

(5) interview wedding consultants - Ring ring, "Hi Mom, so what do you think about....."

(6) start viewing wedding gowns - I'm all over this one. I've got SATC on auto rewind....

(7) interview caterers - Yeah, so not happening.

(8) scout reception sites and book it - "Dear JL - Looks like we have to make a trip to Hawaii....and right away! No seriously, its required. Read the freaking magazines!"

(9) interview officiants - You're kidding right? A year in advance? I could become ordained and marry myself in that time!

(10) coordinate engagement party - DONE! (Really, this is pretty much done. I'm all about an excuse to party.)

I can't stress the point enough, that the above is for when you first get engaged or twelve to sixteen months in advance. Every month there is a new list which just gets more and more insane. (What is bonbonniere anyway?)

The only reason I can think for TOTALLY FREAKING PEOPLE OUT WITH THE ABOVE TO DO LIST is that these wedding magazines are designed for those women (and men) who have been planning their own weddings since birth. People who have albums full of pictures and ideas etc etc. You know the type....they're the ones who say "For MY wedding, I'm going to have 57 doves released above my head and a 16 layer cake with layer in the shape of a different city we've visited together and...." (blech.)

That is so not me.

Anyway, long story short, after gathering control of myself, calming the hyperventilation and remembering that some people are crazy - I shut the magazines and put them to the side of the couch. And there they will stay, gathering dust, until the dog chews them up or uses them for a wee pad, both of which would be a perfect end!*

* I must confess that I am getting into this wedding planning thing a bit. But its totally because I seem to have this ingrained need to go above and beyond when planning a party. Trust me, I am so not the perfectionist type (case in point, swing by my apartment on any random day and you will see some things so horrific you may feel a need to immediately swing by the nearest radiation center to have yourself decontaminated), but I simply cannot (CANNOT) just "have people over"....it is not in my DNA. I totally blame my Mom.