Shooting From The Hip

WARNING

The below has 3 instances of Rated R cursing. I apologize, but I feel this is necessary for a true telling of this story. (Again, sorry Mom!)

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I have a bad boss. Wait....I really mean it....a bad bad bad BAD boss. He is rude, overbearing, back-stabbing, and a bully. I could give you numerous examples of the kind of guy he is, but I'll just tell you one, from today:

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Bad Boss: [Charging into my office, no greeting, no knock; begins spastically shaking an agreement at me.]

WHY DID YOU ADD THIS PROVISION? ITS NOT IN THE MODELS! WHY DID YOU DO THIS? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!

Me: It was in your mark-up, so I made the changes.

Bad Boss: WELL WHAT THE F*CK DO I KNOW? I'M JUST SHOOTING FROM THE HIP! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE F-CKING MODELS.! IT'S NOT F-CKING ROCKET SCIENCE! [Charges out of office]
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Now what I truly love about this story is that he is such a colossal fool that he doesn't even recognize that either (a) it truly is rocket science since he screwed it up in the first place or (b) maybe, as a partner in a law firm, he should KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING??? Eh, maybe its just me.

By the way, this is not the first time this has happened. Uh, no. It's just the first time today. AND this is coming on the heels of working until midnight or later for the past three days.

My life rocks.....

Bad bosses aside, I've been working so much that JL has been taking on all of the party preparations himself! What party you ask? Oh, we're having a housewarming party....yes, yes, you're all invited....IN AUSTRALIA! He has been doing very well, but today he made the mistake of asking me what he should be doing tonight. So I sent a list:

General tidying up of all common areas
Clean the kitchen
Clean the floors (including the bathroom floor which is grody)
Straighten up/hide all the stuff in bedroom
Clean the courtyard
Wipe down the outdoor furniture, including the green chairs (note: kill those spiders!)
Clean off the airconditiong unit (which is mainly my stuff I know)
Organize the furniture etc. to allow for seating etc.
Prepare music
Cook dumps
Bake brownies
Cook chorizo and prepare the skewers
Buy prawns and milk and anything else left off the list?
Get ice
Get rid of dead flowers
Get recycling box up from garage
Vacuum
Shred chickens for pita pockets
Boil 8 baking potatoes

Oh, and this is for tonight! The party is tomorrow!

But get this. I sent him this list and you know what he said? "Thank you for the list. There were things on there I didn't think of!" Hahahahahaha! Well, at least he makes up for Bad Boss!

I suspect JL might think his life was much simpler before he met me!

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CHOPSTAR UPDATE

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I've started walking her in the morning and she is being such a good girl now! Sleeps through the night even! I'm very happy she's come back!

And the lucky streak continues! (or, Poor, Poor Canucks)

My horse's name was Mr. Darcy (ala, Bridget Jones).

On Monday morning JL and I went horseback riding in this little town in the mountains of New Zealand called Hanmer Springs (though you know the New Zealanders call in "Ham-ner" Springs, I couldn't begin to tell you why). In a fit of enthusiasm (and likely believing we were 10 years younger) we decided to go on the 2 1/2 hour trail ride. What we didn't know is that this involved trotting AND cantering along very narrow rough trails, under low hanging branches and around very tight curves.

I know what you're thinking, especially those of you that know me well.....but no, I did not fall off the horse! Surprise surprise! Of course, I still can't walk (2 days later) but that's another story altogether. What DID happen is that somehow I was bitten by the most virulent strain of (non-biting, according to the "infinitely knowledgeable of all things New Zealand" Canadian tourists on our ride) tiny flies to buzz along the face of this planet. My index finger has subsequently swelled to triple its normal size! I swear I look like I have a club hand....and its not like my hands haven't been through enough lately! Not to mention the huge icky bite on my neck, the 15 additional ones on each hand, ankle and foot, and the random one on my hip (I was wearing jeans!).

JL though...whatta guy. He offered to "pop" my finger with a safety pin. True Love? He might truly be sick in the head.

Speaking of JL, he got on the lucky streak bandwagon this weekend as well after causing a multi-horse pile up during one of those scary-as-crap, I-think-I-might-die canters. He did manage to keep his seat, but one of the poor Canadians stuck behind him as he widely careened out of control, did not. Poor guy came off his horse straight into the bushes!

Now this is the same guy that wouldn't stop talking about how good a rider he was prior to even getting on the horse. Not only that, but he and his wife actually had the nerve to try to tell us that if we get tired we should just let them know and they could slow down! So, even though I know its wrong, and even though I'm probably one step closer to H. E. Double hockey sticks....I couldn't help but be secretly pleased. Karma baby! Plus, the guys "injuries" (I'm not sure what they were...he never said specifically, other than "sore" -- We're all sore buddy! Its a 2 1/2 hour horseback ride!) meant we had to cut out the cantering for the rest of the ride much to the relief of our chafed backsides.

No worries though. After leaving the truly pissed off Canadians behind, we headed to the thermal springs that this town is famous for.....

where we did this:

No! This is not a picture of me and JL....just some better looking randoms. And what, exactly, is that guy looking at?

AND got this:
Totally worth it! :)
PS - Still at work so no chance to download pics just yet. You're stuck with just my ramblings for now.

Chopstar....sheeeee'ss baaaacckk

Even her little butt is cute!

So the good folks who were going to adopt Chopstar aren't going to be able to keep her after all....and I am THRILLED! We get her back tonight and I really cannot wait. I'm so excited. I've missed her cute little face.

I went to visit her in her new home last week (before they decided they couldn't keep her) and she was sooooo happy to see me. She followed me everywhere, only wanted to sit on me, and tried to follow me home. Once I left she apparently sat by the door and cried all night!

But she gets to come home now!!! Woohooo!!

JL is, of course, super excited as well (hahahahahahaha, ha). He LOVES the wee, fleas and constant yip-yapping. Seriously.

New Zealand!

So I'm off for a long weekend in New Zealand! Don't be sad, I'll be back very soon (Tuesday to be exact) and in the meantime, here is a list of some fantabulous blogs I've found recently*:

http://www.madmadhousewife.blogspot.com/

http://lastgoodnerve.com/

http://omightycrisis.blogspot.com/

http://www.denataylor.com/musings/

http://femblog.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Oh, and when I get back I'll be sure to post loads(!) of boring personal photos of my vacation. You'll LOVE it! :)

*Hopefully none of these people will mind that I've linked to them....oh well! :)

Work shmerck

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." (Charlie McCarthy)
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OK, who likes working? Anyone? I don't mean, enjoys the occasional feeling of success at having figured out a difficult project, or twinges of pride at finally getting that darn promotion. I mean, really likes the day to day fact of getting out of bed, putting on a suit (or a strippers costume, as the case may be) and going to the same old place, day after day after day after day..... It is truly endless.

I think there must be people out there that like it. Right? There must be since its become a world-wide OBSESSION this whole working thing. I tell you, I'm fed up! Who decided that getting up at 6:30 a.m. everyday, slogging through the rain to the overpacked and overheated train, smelling whatever crappy cologne is permeating the whole car for an indeterminable amount of time just to get to an office where you will be underappreciated, unrecognized and fulfill almost no purpose in the world should be the norm? I didn't get a say in the matter....no ballot was cast....not even a crappy show of hands.

Well, I am logging my official complaint. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Work. Every. Day. It has to be said. And frankly, I'm very disturbed that more people haven't logged this same complaint! What is up people??

Bummer about the whole not wanting to sleep under a freeway overpass thing though. It does throw a crimp in my plans....

The 5 Best Diets

There are oodles of "diet" programs out there so there is no reason for me not to get fit, right (she says while licking miniscule remains of Mint Slices off her fingers....yummmm)? I've been thinking about this off and on since I entered my thirties and my body started to "settle" (towards the ground). After some extensive research I've determined the 5 best diets out there. I am sharing this knowledge with everyone since I know it is sometimes difficult to parse through all the crap that is out in the world to really determine what will work!

The 5 Best Diets - Truly!

Number 1: Crack. Yes you will likely end up talking to yourself and sleeping in a cardboard box, but you will, without a doubt, lose weight. I say, small price to pay.

Number 2: Stripping. Its a darn hard workout! Plus you never have to worry about breaking large bills, what with all the singles you could bring home! (Many thanks to my sister Lisa who has logged many hours with "Carmen Electra's Striptease Workout" to provide us with this invaluable information. You go girl!)

Number 3: Become a vampire. You're bound to lose weight when all you can consume is blood. As a bonus you get immortality and super powers...bummer about the whole sun thing though.

Number 4: Sleep a lot. I mean like all the time. You can't eat when you're asleep (wait, that might not be true....I'm pretty sure I once sleepwalked (sleptwalked?) to the refrigerator and ate a whole pecan pie...oops, ignore that. I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about! Pshah!)

Number 5: Eat heathily and start a regular exercise regime. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Well there you go. I'm sure you must feel better informed now and we'll all be fit before we know it!

PS - This is certainly not an endorsement to start smoking crack, sucking blood, or stripping....though without a doubt I think we could all do with more sleep!

Gardening....(or, what the hell is wrong with those plants?)

For the first time in my life I am living in a home with a garden. It's small and was already pretty much fully cultivated by the time I got there....but it was gorgeous! And after 2 months of living there....I'm already starting to kill it.

I think Mother Nature has it in for me....

I sow mint, she sends ants to build a colony in the pot.

I plant strawberries, she spreads the word to the bird population of Kirribilli.

I plant herbs, she sends snails and little green crawly things.

I plant a lemon tree, she sends scale (what IS that anyway), tiny red spiders and other things that are (so far) totally unrecognizable.

There must be a lesson in this. What is it? What could it be? Oh, that's right....I'M A TERRIBLE GARDENER! Bugger.

Well, here are some pictures anyway. Please try to note the serenity and inherent beauty in all plant life (even some that is partially dead) and maybe you'll get some enjoyment out of these anyway! :)

<=== Cute little lemon tree.

JL takes time to smell the....creepy crawly insects??=================>

The tiny pond! (Looks nice right, pretty lily pads and papyrus...and filled with mosquito larvae....)

Almost dead geranium (we think) and a pretty bush that seems to actually be doing well!

<==== A Native Australian grass tree! No way to tell if this thing is living or dying since I think it takes like 600 years to grow!

Star jasmine....sadly, not in flower.=====>

The back path of the garden. None of these plants have received any attention from me AND appear to be flourishing!

<===The strawberry plants. So precious...and aren't we nice to feed the neighborhood birds!