The 5 Best Diets

There are oodles of "diet" programs out there so there is no reason for me not to get fit, right (she says while licking miniscule remains of Mint Slices off her fingers....yummmm)? I've been thinking about this off and on since I entered my thirties and my body started to "settle" (towards the ground). After some extensive research I've determined the 5 best diets out there. I am sharing this knowledge with everyone since I know it is sometimes difficult to parse through all the crap that is out in the world to really determine what will work!

The 5 Best Diets - Truly!

Number 1: Crack. Yes you will likely end up talking to yourself and sleeping in a cardboard box, but you will, without a doubt, lose weight. I say, small price to pay.

Number 2: Stripping. Its a darn hard workout! Plus you never have to worry about breaking large bills, what with all the singles you could bring home! (Many thanks to my sister Lisa who has logged many hours with "Carmen Electra's Striptease Workout" to provide us with this invaluable information. You go girl!)

Number 3: Become a vampire. You're bound to lose weight when all you can consume is blood. As a bonus you get immortality and super powers...bummer about the whole sun thing though.

Number 4: Sleep a lot. I mean like all the time. You can't eat when you're asleep (wait, that might not be true....I'm pretty sure I once sleepwalked (sleptwalked?) to the refrigerator and ate a whole pecan pie...oops, ignore that. I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about! Pshah!)

Number 5: Eat heathily and start a regular exercise regime. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Well there you go. I'm sure you must feel better informed now and we'll all be fit before we know it!

PS - This is certainly not an endorsement to start smoking crack, sucking blood, or stripping....though without a doubt I think we could all do with more sleep!