Blueys (or, "just my luck")

My lovely friend Jeffrey came to town for New Year's and roped me into going to the beach with him. Now Sydney has some gorgeous beaches, and Jeffrey (being the fly guy he is) insisted on Tamarama (aka, Glamorama ). Glamorama, excuse me, Tamarama, is THE BEACH for the beautiful people so I should have had an inkling that this was not the place for me. But I went along good naturedly, put on my nicest bathing suit (I only have one so the choice wasn't hard) and plonked my white, gym-starved self down among all the amazing bronzed European bodies.

Things were going along fine and we were having a nice time catching up and admiring all the hotties around us, but no....I couldn't leave well enough alone and decided to drag myself out into the water....WHERE I PROMPTLY GOT STUNG BY A BLUEBOTTLE JELLYFISH (see picture below)!*
Now to add a little color to the story, there was no less than 200 people in a tiny bit of ocean, and who was the ONLY person to get stung....yes, yes, that would be me. I'm so proud.

The end of the story is just as embarrassing as I had to drag myself, soaking wet and close to tears, to the Aussie lifeguards who have clearly seen it all before (particularly with tourists). Suffice it to say they did not think it was as big a deal as I did!

* JL is insistent that it was dead and only a couple tentacles brushed past me. I really don't know what he's talking about. :)

Lamb Chop (aka, the "Chopstar" or "Choppers")

So Adopt-A-Dog has finally come to live with me.....AND HERE SHE IS:

I know, she is kind of funny looking, but sooo adorable in person. We've had her for about 3 weeks and she already thinks she owns the place. She loves to climb right under the covers at night and burrow down to the bottom (no I don't let her stay there....too often). She also loves to eat the mulch out of the garden....I don't know, maybe its the fiber.

Anyway, as much as I love her, and love having her around (especially during my convalescence (which I will post about later) she has had her share of issues already. Here they are (in short form format):

* She was NOT housebroken and has proceeded to do her business in every room in the house besides the kitchen.
* She did not know how to walk on a leash.....soooo JL and I had to suffer through several walks where she just sat there and we finally gave up and carried her!
* She had/has fleas....which refuse to die even after 3 flea baths and 2 doses of Frontline.
* She loves to bark at the gardeners who have been working every day next door. She just sticks her head under the fence and goes to town!
* She had a seizure (or something) that made her unable to walk for a brief period of time. Which resulted in me grabbing her up (in my bandaged and cast covered arms), running to the car (which I can't drive since its the other side of the road here) and rushing to the vet (whose whereabouts were not a little bit fuzzy to me) only to get there and find out that she's pretty much fine.....other than the kennel cough! If its not one thing.....Sheesh.
* Every single time JL gets here she wees on the floor. Every. Single. Time.

So long story short, things have been quite exciting over here for us and the 6 pound Lamb Chop (she came with that name....which we promptly shortened to Chopstar or Choppers). JL has been quite understanding what with all the wee and fleas about (and has thus retained his Rockstar Boyfriend Status).

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

JL just bought me a fishing pole....and its pink!

In response to my receiving such a lovely gift we had the following conversation*:

Me: I love it and cannot wait to get out there to show those fish a thing or two.

JL: I'm so glad. It was on sale.

Me: I'm pretty sure I'll catch a few just because my rod is so fashionable.

JL: Oh, yes I'm sure.

Me. .....and I'm sure the pink color will lull those snappers into a sense of wonder and acceptance of their fate. I mean, who wouldn't want to be snagged by such a beautiful object.

JL: Fish are color blind babe.

* NO WE DIDN'T. I JUST MADE THIS UP. But I did have the whole conversation (both sides) in my head so in some weird and twisted reality it actually did happen.

Falling in love is NOT the hardest thing....the conference room floor might well be however!

This is not meant to be a physics lesson because....well, basically because I've never taken physics and if I really had to think I about it I don't think I'd even be able to define "physics" let alone educate anyone on any aspect of it. However, Wikipedia (that great source of ALL knowledge) assures me that gravity is an essential component to the study of physics, and since gravity has recently become an important part of my life I would like to tell you a few things about it.

Firstly, gravity is the natural phenomenon by which all mass is attracted to each other.

Secondly, falling is descent under gravity.

Since I have mass....and the conference room floor has mass.....the obvious deduction from the above statements is that we (the conference room floor and I) would be "attracted to one another" and falling is simply gravity's cute little way of getting us together.

On the other hand, the stiletto heel caught in the rung of a chair, the mug of orange juice flying across the room and bouncing off the table, the knees skidding against the carpet, and the sound waves (read: shrieks) rebounding off the walls (which all accompanied the act of falling) appear to be subject to different physical laws (though gravity appears to operate in some respects as well).* In the same vein, the knee the size of a bowling ball, the goose egg bruises and the subsequent inability to walk following the above encounter with gravity I think are more proper for an anatomy lesson.

If you've come to the conclusion that I, as a student of science (hahahah), tested the theory of gravity out myself recently, you'd be right. But only in the name of Truth, Justice and the American Way (wait, that might have been Superman's motto)! Either way, I'm here to tell you....conclusively....that gravity does, in fact, exist!**

Freaking gravity.

PS - According to certain sources, I might not have fallen because of gravity...it might have been God! Check this link out for a stunningly circular dissertation on why gravity, in fact, does not exist (Proof that gravity is an evil lie from satan (the devil)). And please watch out for the description of gravitons as "fairy folk". I particularly like the little drawing!

* Such as a body at rest tends to stay at rest (heel caught in the rung of the chair).
** ....and a bag of frozen corn kernels definitely helps with the swelling afterwards.

Adopt-A-Dog

In an effort not to be completely selfish and self-absorbed, I am going to be a foster mom to a homeless dog beginning on December 27th! It's a great program where you take over the care of a dog that has been abandoned/lost until it gets adopted. Since Lucy doesn't arrive until February at the earliest and I have the dog friendly apartment I figured I have a moral responsibility to help some poor helpless creature find a new home (after all, that's how I got Lucy). Plus, I get to have a dog!*

So, I'm taking suggestions for Adopt-A-Dog's semi-permanent name. As we don't know (a) what kind of dog he/she is, (b) what sex he/she is or (c) what color, shape, texture or other descriptive quality he/she may have, all suggestions will have to be based upon other factors. I don't know what.....that's why I'm asking!

So, please help. Otherwise I'm going to be at the dog park yelling "Here, Adopt-A-Dog, here, Adopt-a-Dog" and/or "Adopt-A-Dog! Stop peeing on that man's leg!" Could get rather embarrassing, though on second thought, good advertisement!

* JL is convinced that Adopt-A-Dog is soon going to become "Adopted-by-Kristen-and-John-Dog" but I have determined to stand strong (hahahahahah, fat chance). :)

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat....

The Christmas season is upon us....even here down under....and I have to admit that I'm having the tiniest bit of trouble adjusting. There are various reasons for this but the first is that IT'S SUMMER! And its hot. I mean, growing up in Southern California it wasn't unusual to have a warm Christmas (I distinctly remember the neighbor girl riding her new bicycle up and down our street in just shorts (i.e., no top of any kind)), but it was still, seasonally, winter. The difference really struck home for me when I was reading a magazine that was describing how to put together a beach themed Christmas dinner. Seriously. Conch shells and all.

Some other notable differences:

* Since Thanksgiving doesn't exist here (if you don't know the reasons why, I will ask you to please stop reading this and pick up a history book immediately) and Halloween is pretty much a non-event (see earlier posts), Christmas decorations have been up since the beginning of October. So we've skipped the paper mache ghosts and hand shaped turkeys and gone straight to the fake evergreens and motorized Santa Clauses.

* The Christmas stocking is replaced by the Christmas pillowcase. Maybe a little greedy, but very smart! My mom sent me off with my stocking, however, so I'll continue in the Hansen family tradition of leaving a stocking for Santa (though I'm thinking of slowly adding dimensions to my stocking each year until its the size of a pillowcase....I mean if Santa is that generous and all, I certainly want a piece of the action!).*

* Pecan/pumpkin/apple pies are replaced by the Christmas Pudding. I haven't yet determined exactly what this is other than (1) it "lives forever"**, (2) has various items of dried fruit in it, (3) you can buy it in a small burlap sack(?) and (4) its boiled! JL LOVES his mom's Christmas Pudding so I'm looking forward to figuring this particular tradition out.***

* Evergreen trees don't really exist in Australia so the idea of having a large cut Christmas tree shedding pine needles all over your living room is relatively new (i.e., friends of ours bought their first one ever this year....and they're in their 30s). Instead families tend to have a potted evergreen type bush which they keep all year round and drag in for the holidays. Environmentally kind, I agree, but what about the process of going to the lot, and picking your Christmas tree out while drinking watery apple cider????

* Apparently, sometimes Santa arrives on a surfboard. I don't know how/when he learned to surf and he sure doesn't seem to be in shape for it, but nonetheless he does. Mrs. Clause must be so proud.

All that being said, Christmas here is essentially the same....loads of shopping, kids barely sleeping the night before, and lots of time with family/friends eating unto sickness. And of course, all the truly important things that you remember at the holidays.... And I'm looking forward to doing it Aussie-style! But I have to admit, I'm REALLY looking forward to Boxing Day! Again, I'm not sure what we're celebrating/honoring (though I'll do some research and fill you in) but I DO know that we get a whole extra day off work where you can sit around and eat! Now that's something to be merry about!

PS -- The Christmas Card pictured above is the only one I'm sending out this year....SO MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! If you aren't happy about this think back to last year, when my Christmas cards went out in February! This, at least, is a timely distribution! :)

* Santa has clearly been favoring Australian children for years. Plus, my mother has left strict instructions that Santa (i.e., JL) is to continue to fill my stocking even though I'm in Australia. "Santa" is very excited, I'm sure.
** Direct quote from JL, December 16, 2007.
*** One thing that has me a little nervous....JL says that if you don't eat all the Christmas pudding you just let it dry out and then boil it again the next year......

Australia in the News....

I was sitting quietly on my couch with Lucy on one of my last nights in New York when lo and behold the nightly news (Fox News, natch*) actually mentioned Australia.....and without there having to be an Olympic event going on.

And here is the story that made it:

"Taunting Thieves Steal 17 Tons of Ham, Bacon in Australia"

Definitely, DEFINITELY, check it out here. I mean, its worth the click. Not because the story itself is so interesting (though it really is.....) but because I'm frankly astounded that of all the things going on in Australia, THIS is the story that got reported.

Fox News folks....as their catch phrase goes... "We report. You decide."**

* I had to look this up, but "natch" means "naturally" ..... natch. I suspect there must be a degree of sarcasm involved.

** If you think this is some kind of political judgement on Fox News, you should note that I first learned about Britney and K-Fed's pending divorce from CNN.com (headline news, ladies and gentlemen)....

*** ABSOLUTELY funniest response to this report....."At least the note didn't say Happy Hanukkah."

Halloween

So far, the only thing I don't like about Australia is the fact that no one celebrates Halloween! I'm not sure why, they just don't. The BEST HOLIDAY IN THE WORLD....and it was pretty much ignored. I should add, this is just my personal opinion as I really don't expect other nations to take American holidays....but I MISSED IT! And that made me really sad....

So instead of celebrating Halloween myself, I'll just have to post a photo of my friend Eli at a Halloween party. I think its a classic.

Apparently he thinks he's Clark Kent......or Superman.... Though I'm not sure I've ever seen Superman with a Bud Light in his hand (wait...TWO Bud Lights in his hands).......or with that particular expression on his face.

* The other person is Eli's friend Hollie. I think she's Velma....but I'm not sure.

** For additional photos from Hollie's Blog see here.

Moses (I couldn't help myself)

The Love of My Life

LUCY!

*If you want to see Lucy's adoption story and how she won "Cocker Spaniel of the Month", click here.

Hello Sydney....

Well, I'm saying Goodbye to New York....but Hello to Sydney! Things I am looking forward to about living in Sydney:

* My great apartment in Kirribilli.
* Warm weather.
* Australian politics (yes, they do exist)
* Wearing shorts on Christmas.
* Lamb roasts and meat pies (I've become a convert)
* Taking the ferry to work.
* Joining the yacht club and learning to sail a skiff
* Riding my wicked witch of the west bike
* JL, JL, JL!

And to all my loved ones out there, I'm still only a plane flight away (particularly from Cali) so hop onboard and come visit! Open invitation but you must bring gifts! :)

Stacy's Black Eye

In response to my sister Debbie's request in her blog (see http://www.debztalkin.blogspot.com/) I will tell the story of "Stacy's Black Eye".

I went to college in Utah, and Stacy was my best friend and roommate. We used to do everything together. One day we went to the mall and after hours of "window shopping" (we were poor students) we were hungy. So we went to the food court to get some potato chips and a gossip magazine to read while eating them. As it was a really busy day at the mall we had to share seating so we sat at a table with some random man and put the chips between us. All of a sudden, this man reached across the table and ate one of our chips. We were in total shock, but how do you say to someone, "ummm, excuse me, I think you're eating our chips", so instead, Stacy just ate one herself. We sat there for a little while in silence pretending to read our magazine with the air thick with tension. And can you believe it...he ate another one! So Stacy ate another one....and then he ate another one, and then Stacy! They went back and forth with this for a while until they were all gone and then the man stood up and walked away. Stacy and I looked at each other in shocked awe, and then burst out laughing. That is, until we picked up our magazine and realized that our bag of chips was underneath!

I was so angry I punched her in the eye (see picture below)!

THIS STORY IS A TOTAL FABRICATION....every ounce of it. Stacy's black eye was actually caused by me trying to get out of the backseat of a hatchback car and her eye getting in the way of my flailing elbows. Poor girl. She still likes me though....I think!

Goodbye New York

This is my last weekend living in New York, probably forever. While I'm really happy about the direction my life is taking, I am feeling a little nostalgic. I will definitely miss the following:

* My friends! The best in the world.....
* Lupa (Mario Batali restaurant two blocks from my house).
* How you can order anything for delivery....including dog food.
* The first snowfall (before any traffic drives in it, yuck).
* My little apartment, above a bar, in Soho.
* The plethora of taxis!
* Ben's Pizzeria.
* Going out to dinner at 10 pm, and still needing a reservation.
* Having "locals". (I.e., a local bar, a local bodega, a local restaurant...where people know me.)
* The homeless man who begs for change outside my local market....we always have an....interesting...interaction.

But mostly I'll just miss the place that's been my home for almost 8 years. The first place I lived alone. The place I found Lucy. The place I started my career!

New York is difficult, and that's why you have to love it. When I first moved here a friend of mine said, if you can make it here you can make it anywhere. I'm not sure that's factually true, but it FEELS true! I've been lost, verbally abused, threatened on the street with a lamp and lived in the ghetto. I've also chased a cab down the street shoeless, slipped and fallen more times than I can count on icy streets and struggled to sleep through the thumping bass from the bar downstairs. But....I made it! I even made it onto the jumbo screens in Times Square (see below)!




So goodbye to the place of my adult emancipation. I'll always love you!

XOXO